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About Gregg A Caruso

I have enjoyed the privilege of serving the Church as a co-church planter, pastor of multi-staffed churches, coach, mentor, mission’s executive, trainer, interventionist, diagnostician, and intentional interim pastor. I have served in such varied places as Carson City (NV), Santa Barbara (CA), Oceanside (CA), Boone (IA), London, Amsterdam, Barcelona, the North Shore of O’ahu, the SF Bay Area (CA), Manchester (NH), Temecula (CA), Torrance (CA), Taunton (MA), and Rehoboth (MA). My all-time favorite book on leadership is “Leadership is an Art” by Max DePree. What a great and humbling topic. "Leading Without Power" is also an excellent read. Specialties: Intentional Interim Pastor (IIP) Gospel-centered theological 'reboot' Change management Organizational development Analytics (3 tiers of diagnostics available) Policy-based governance Conflict management and reconciliation

What Does Emotionally Healthy Language Look Like?

Emotionally healthy language is characterized by clear, respectful, dialogical, and empathetic communication that fosters self-awareness, connection, and understanding. Consider the following bible passages:

James 1:19: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” emphasizes the importance of listening, patience, and controlling emotions during conversations, which are essential for healthy communication.”

Proverbs 15:1: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” highlights the power of gentle and thoughtful speech in diffusing conflict and fostering understanding.”

Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” encourages constructive and uplifting communication.”

With these verses in mind, here are key elements of emotionally healthy language:

  1. Use of “I” Statements: Emotionally healthy language expresses feelings without blaming others. For instance, saying, “I feel upset when you talk to me that way,” instead of accusatory language like “You always make me angry.” The former promotes accountability and will usually reduce conflict.
  2. Naming and Identifying Emotions: A rich emotional vocabulary helps in accurately describing our feelings. Instead of broad terms like “angry,” emotionally healthy language will specify emotions such as “frustrated” or “disrespected,” which aids in deeper self-understanding and communication.
  3. Validation of Feelings: Emotionally healthy language will validate a person’s emotions and those of others without judgment. Phrases like “It’s okay to feel this way” or “I understand why you might feel like that” create a safe space for emotional expression.
  4. Respectful Communication: Emotionally healthy language avoids shaming, blaming, or threatening others. It emphasizes reflective listening, respecting differing opinions, and using a calm tone and open body language to convey respect.
  5. Apologies and Repair: Emotionally healthy language takes responsibility for mistakes with sincere apologies, such as saying, “I’m sorry for how my words hurt you; it wasn’t my intention,” which helps to repair relationships and model accountability.
  6. Setting Appropriate Boundaries: Emotionally healthy language includes clear yet empathetic boundary-setting. For example, “I need some time to process this before we continue our dialogue” respectfully communicates a person’s limits.
  7. Encouragement and Affirmation: They use positive reinforcement to build others up, such as celebrating achievements or expressing gratitude: “I appreciate how hard you worked on this project”.

These practices of emotionally healthy communication will foster stronger relationships, help reconcile inevitable conflict, develop deeper self-awareness, and generate a more compassionate approach to life’s challenges.

Managing Church Change

The Bible has a lot to say about resistance to change, highlighting both human nature and spiritual perspectives on transformation:

Emotional Resistance


The Bible recognizes that people naturally tend to resist change due to fear and comfort with the familiar. In Luke 5:36-39, Jesus uses a parable about wine and wineskins to illustrate this resistance, noting that people often prefer the old ways, saying “the old is better.”

Several biblical passages explore spiritual barriers to change, including:

  • Jeremiah 17:9 describes the human heart as “deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked”
  • Romans 8:7 explains that the carnal mind is “enmity against God” and is not subject to divine transformation
  • Mark 10:17-22 provides an example of resistance through the story of the rich young ruler who was unwilling to give up his possessions to follow Jesus

Theological Perspective

The Bible suggests that true change requires divine intervention. Without the Holy Spirit changing a person’s heart, behavioral modifications are not sustainable. The transformation process is often compared to refining fire (Mal 3:2), pruning (Jn 15:2), or what Paul termed a “thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor 12:7), which can be uncomfortable but ultimately leads to growth. After all of Job’s troubles his testimony is, “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees You” (Job 42:5).

Ultimately, Scripture emphasizes that change is a sacred process, and resistance often stems from pride, fear of the unknown, and attachment to familiar patterns that may have even become idols. (An idol is frequently a good thing that becomes an ultimate thing.)

Paul addressed resistance to change in his ministry through various strategies, demonstrating both patience and decisiveness:

Strategies for Addressing Resistance

Reasoning and Patience: Paul often engaged in reasoning and pleading with those resistant to his message. He spent time dialoguing and debating with religious leaders. We see in his interactions in Corinth where he initially engaged in vigorous dialogue before deciding to move on when his opposition became abusive (Acts 18).

Walking Away from Toxic Situations: When faced with stubborn resistance or abusive behavior, Paul chose to walk away rather than persist in unfruitful situations. This approach is evident in places like Pisidian Antioch, where he decided to focus on more receptive audiences after encountering rejection (see Acts 13).

Adaptive Methodology: Paul was flexible in his approach, adapting his methods to reach different groups. He expressed this adaptability in 1 Cor 9:22, stating he became “all things to all people” to save some, reflecting a willingness to adjust his tactics for effective ministry.

Defending His Calling: In 2 Cor, Paul defended his ministry against opposition by emphasizing spiritual authority and relying on divine power rather than human strength. He addressed resistance by highlighting the spiritual nature of his mission and encouraging humble self-examination among his detractors.

Guidance for Future Leaders: Paul advised younger leaders like Titus to avoid engaging repeatedly with divisive individuals (3:10; see also Rom 16:17 and 1 Cor 1:10). He recommended giving such people a chance but warned against wasting too much time on persistent opposition.

Through these methods, Paul managed resistance by balancing patience with strategic withdrawal, adapting his approach to suit different listeners, and maintaining a focus on productive ministry efforts.

Strategies for Managing Resistance

1. Communicate Clearly

  • Explain the Purpose: Clearly and repeatedly communicate how the change aligns with the church’s mission and how it will benefit the congregation and the broader community.
  • Address Concerns: Listen to members’ concerns and provide honest answers, emphasizing how the change supports God’s will and strengthens the church’s relationship with God.

2. Introduce Gradually

  • Prepare the Congregation: Introduce changes gradually, allowing time for members to adjust and understand the value of the change.
  • Use Scripture: Remind members of scriptural teachings related to change to ease fears and build acceptance. A sermon series studying Nehemiah’s change taxonomy is often helpful.

3. Build Support

  • Engage Key Leaders: Have visionary conversations with key lay leaders and staff to ensure they are supportive and can even act as advocates for change.
  • Unify Leadership: Take the time to ensure all church leaders are on the same page and can present a united front.

4. Emotional Considerations

  • Allow for Grieving: Recognize that all change brings a sense of loss. Allow members to express their emotions and provide support as they adjust.
  • Respect Traditions: Understand which traditions reflect the unique callings of the congregation. A book has been written titled, “Sacred Cows Make Gourmet Burgers.”

5. Strategic Planning

  • Develop a Comprehensive Plan: Carefully plan how changes will be implemented, considering resources, potential impacts, and unintended consequences.
  • Monitor Progress: Keep track of how changes are being received and make adjustments as necessary to address any ongoing resistance or issues. Practice creative redundancy in communication plans.

By following these strategies, church leaders can effectively manage resistance to change, fostering an environment where transformation is seen as a positive step forward rather than a threat.

The Art of Servicing Growth and Momentum in the Local Church

Abstract

This post explores the dynamics and challenges local churches face during periods of growth, emphasizing the importance of creating effective systems and frameworks to manage these changes. It highlights the distinction between goals and results, emphasizing that church growth is not the ultimate objective but a byproduct of deeper spiritual engagement and community service.


In the Church world, we often confuse the fruit for the goal. Here are some examples:

  • Church growth is not the goal but the fruit. The goal is prayerful partnering with the Holy Spirit to build an infrastructure that will care for, instruct, and disciple members and attendees and strategically serve the surrounding community.
  • The church is not the goal but the fruit of kingdom ministry. This is why Jesus stayed 40 days after the resurrection and spoke “of the things concerning the kingdom of God” (Acts 2:3b).
  • The Great Commission is not the goal but the fruit of active and passionate engagement with the Great Commandment. This is stated well in the opening lines of the Westminster Shorter Catechism, “What is the chief end of [humankind]?” The catechist is then to respond, “[Humankind’s] chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.”
  • Obedience is not the goal but the fruit of active and ongoing surrender to God’s empowering grace, which will do in us and through us what we cannot do on our own. Paul navigates this as he moves from the end of Romans 7 into Romans 8.

With that said, let’s consider the art of servicing growth and momentum in the local church…

As Churches Grow Dynamics Change

When churches are smaller, relationships carry things; in larger churches competencies need to carry things, and organizational systems, including policies and procedures, need to be re/designed and implemented to correspond to growth. The lack of appropriate systems can create a condition of ambiguity that increases the chances for unnecessary conflict to erupt. In the larger church, the guests and visitors are different kinds of “shoppers.” Relational equity that the staff once enjoyed when the church was smaller, when all were treated as part of the family, is replaced by the demands for performance and competency that are much more exacting. A larger and larger percentage of the congregation is going to be “competency expecting,” placing sometimes unrealistic demands on the staff that are not mitigated by the relational coziness that had been enjoyed by the older, earlier congregants.

If there are no agreed-upon updated operational systems it means leaders have not engaged in pre-thinking different scenarios, which introduces unnecessary anxiety into the system, which can also lead to conflict, which can be the result of unmet expectations because the church has overpromised and underdelivered.

In the larger church, there is a more fragile system to deal with. After growth spurts it’s very common for some people not to make the transition to a larger church where they won’t know everyone. Some people will hunger for the more relational approach of the past. This can also cause conflicts if it’s not managed well. Typically, when a church grows (past barriers), some of the staff, who cannot migrate from minister roles to team building equipper roles, choose to go back to smaller churches because the satisfactions they need and the relationships they desire are found in smaller churches, which is not wrong. This discontinuity can also cause conflict if not managed well. There is a saying in family systems theory that the presenting issues are rarely the real issue. Many of these conflicts can be resolved through a growing understanding of family systems theory. It is helpful to remember that all conflict is an opportunity—to know God and one another better.

There Are Mandatory Disciplines for Serving Momentum

Surges will continue if leaders service them. However, the growth catapults the congregation into a new dilemma. In smaller congregations, most problems are solved informally by the way people behave. The demands are not such that they require a systems style of thinking.  In a larger church, leaders can’t ignore problems and have them go away. 

After a season of growth, a church will develop “stretch marks.” The church may have more people than their systems are capable of assimilating (e.g. not enough small groups or enough leaders in place) and the church can get caught between two systems of ministry delivery. There’s a system of ministry delivery at the Sunday service level that remains basically constant (music, preaching, CM, etc.). The pulpit looks the same to everybody. What changes, however, are the things that are done under the umbrella of the Sunday service. Is the ministry being done by professionals or volunteers? In a larger church, the ministry needs to be increasingly mediated by volunteers. There is a need to create multiple systems that are suitable for volunteers to do the work of ministry. Volunteers do not have the same proficiencies as professionals have (e.g., teaching skills, Bible knowledge, etc.). Real ministry increasingly needs to be accomplished in smaller groups where conversational and facilitation skills are developed. There is a need, at that point, to create far more structures/systems that are led by lay people with lay levels of skill and higher relationship factors to bring people along. The proficiencies needed are less because there are higher quantities of relationships involved. (People will survive while their lay leaders are searching out answers for them; whereas, if a professional doesn’t have an answer for them, they will be less likely to stay connected.) Attendees are bonded by their relationships – it’s a social factor that attracts people, holds them, works with them, and supports them over time.

The staff is required to move from providing ministry to assuring that ministry is provided. Thus, a BIG shift must occur. A whole new delivery infrastructure must be configured. The staff needs to move from being “all-powerful,” super-trained, super-competent, “do most of the ministry” people to making sure that the lay leaders can operate effectively in loving and caring for people. This requires that staff adopt the technology of facilitating ministry through building teams. The hindrance is that it’s counterintuitive. The staff will have to lose the ability to minister alone and use every direct ministry opportunity to train lay people for ministry. The staff (and board) needs to move from a “shepherd” mentality to a “rancher” mentality.

Stephen Covey wrote about the difference between “production” and “production capacity” (PC).[1] Consider how much production a staff or elder is capable of. Every once in a while s/he can double their production, but only for the short-term—and then s/he needs some recovery time. But if staff can “clone” themselves, they can double, triple, quadruple, etc. their production capacity. Eventually, this can lead to exponential growth. It’s a strategy of lay ministry enlargement that we see in 2 Timothy 2:2, which states, “The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful [people] who will be able to teach others also.”

Again, the staff needs to see themselves as “minister-makers” instead of ministers. There is a difference between ministers and leaders; ministers build people and leaders build groups, or teams, of people. It’s like the wings of a bird, the church needs both to fly straight. This doesn’t happen through proclamation alone; it involves proactively building a leadership development pipeline along with discipleship/spiritual formation pathways. The hand-off to lay leaders occurs in steps. Lay leaders are the key to maximizing a church’s potential. So, the question becomes, “How will we recruit, train, deploy, mentor, and nurture lay leaders to a high level of competence so that they’re actually caring for people reliably and effectively?” And it is wise to help leaders develop skills for life, not just church work.

There is a need to define and update the roles of both vocational and volunteer staff with clarity so that all will see that lay leadership is a privilege they are capable of. (Not to see themselves as “waterboys” for the professionals but to see themselves as ministry leaders in their own right.) Systems must be in place to provide strategic support to lay leaders.

Leaders need to be coached to replace themselves. New leaders are incubated as attention is given to the development of apprentices. Give prayerful and purposeful attention to replicating leaders. The best place to train a leader is at the shoulder or elbow of another leader. Coaching is only effective when apprentices are present. Wherever there’s the absence of apprentices, the coaching is deficient.

A Systems Approach to Leadership

One of the keys to functioning in a healthy manner as a church is for the leaders to look at the church as a system rather than a collection of isolated people.”[2] As stated earlier, a lack of awareness of the church as a family system could cause a congregation in times of conflict to focus on symptoms rather than the more complex systemic issues.

Churches exhibit both organizational and family characteristics. In both cases, the challenge is to think systematically about the way problems arise and see both successes and problems as a sum of the whole, rather than as individual parts.[3]

Six family system theory concepts frequently affecting the church:

  1. Maintenance of origins (Homeostasis) — the tendency to habitually preserve principles and practices within the organization, even when they are detrimental.
  2. Problems-symptoms/root (Process and Content) — the incapability of leaders solving a problem without first understanding the root source of the problem.[4]
  3. Non-anxious presence — the ability of the leader to define his or her life apart from the surrounding pressures of ministry, thus freeing the leader to have a clear head when dealing with problems.
  4. Over responsibility (Overfunctioning) — the tendency for leaders to take responsibility for problems for which they are not responsible, thus allowing others to maintain irresponsible behavior patterns.
  5. Triangulation of relationships — when two people, are at odds with one another one (or both) triangle one or more people into the problem and it magnifies and multiplies the conflict. Triangulation is a form of gossip.
  6. Identified patient (or scapegoat) — a leader who begins to exhibit the symptoms of a dysfunctional system can be made to appear to be the problem when in reality the problem is the system that created the symptoms.[5]

Organizationally, churches may be viewed from a series of perspectives:

  1. Structural factors — including roles, goals, and the structures and systems that make the church work.
  2. Relational factors — focusing on developing a fit between people, their gifts/skills, and the jobs they do.
  3. Political factors — involving power, conflict, control, and coalitions that form within the church.
  4. Cultural factors — involving the shared values, corporate stories, heroes, and milestones that give a corporate culture to the organization.[6] Each of the system concepts and organizational perspectives gives important clues to understanding the life of the church.

Governance Issues

There are many different ways to govern a church. A policy-based governance model occurs when the church board makes decisions through the use of clear and consistent policy, based on biblical directives. Policies are the beliefs and values that consistently guide or direct how a church board arrives at decision-making.

Policies are articulated carefully as the board prayerfully considers what the Holy Spirit is saying to them in their unique context and seeks to build the infrastructure to accomplish the vision.

The fundamental principles of a policy-based governance model have their roots in biblical principles including:

  • Servant Leadership
  • Mutual Accountability
  • Empowerment with constraint
  • Clarity of Values
  • Integrity
  • Role Clarity
  • Distinguishing between ‘ends’ (board role) and ‘means’ (staff role)

Administration Issues

As churches grow larger, the staff needs to learn how to do things that boards used to do when the church was smaller. It used to be that the board managed everything, and the staff did the ministry. As the church grows and develops, boards need to look at policy and approval issues while the staff does the planning and managing. The ministry is done by the lay leaders who are under the care and development of the staff.

A very significant shift occurs when a smaller church becomes a larger church. In the larger church the board oversees, the staff leads and manages, and members do the “work of the ministry” (Eph. 4). In the smaller church the board leads and manages, the staff does the ministry, and the lay people receive the ministry. The larger church paradigm is an essential shift in thinking. Administration must be placed around what the Holy Spirit wants and is doing in a congregation. The aim is to protect koinōnía so that it can continue to move the church forward.

Initial Goals for Staff Members in the Larger Church

Once updated role descriptions and specific goals and objectives are established the Executive Pastor’s role is to serve the staff and the leaders by coaching/equipping/resourcing them toward the accomplishment of the mission and vision of the church, as well to direct them toward the fulfillment of their own personal calling and unique contributions to the kingdom of God. 

A system of regular developmental performance reviews based on their capacity to build and oversee ministry teams needs to be established.

A system for the staff to report on both their maintenance goals as well as their proactive goals will help to keep everyone on the same page. In many churches, the staff will spend around 90% of their time doing ministry and around 10% equipping others to accomplish ministry. In a larger church, those percentages should be reversed over an agreed-upon time frame.

A lack of organizational systems can significantly contribute to workplace conflict in several ways:

  • Unclear Roles and Responsibilities: When an organization lacks clear systems for defining and communicating roles and responsibilities, it often leads to:
  • Staffing ambiguities: Employees may be unsure who is responsible for specific tasks or decisions, leading to conflict over ownership and accountability.
  • Overlap in duties: Multiple people may end up trying to do the same work, causing frustration and inefficiency.
  • Tasks falling through the cracks: Important responsibilities may be neglected because of a lack of clarity.

Ninety+ percent of churches need to improve their communication channels. Without proper communication systems in place:

  • Information silos can develop, where departments or teams where crucial information is not passed along.
  • Misunderstandings become more common due to incomplete or inaccurate information being passed along.
  • Lack of transparency can breed mistrust and suspicion among staff (and congregants).

In the absence of structured resource management systems there will almost always be resource allocation issues:

  • Competition for limited resources intensifies, as departments contend for budget, personnel, or equipment without clear allocation processes.
  • Perceived inequitable distribution of resources can lead to resentment and conflict between teams or individuals.

Poorly defined or inconsistent performance management systems can result in:

  • Lack of common performance standards across different departments or roles can lead to perceived unfairness.
  • Unclear criteria for promotions or raises can cause frustration among employees.
  • Ineffective feedback mechanisms, leave employees unsure about their performance and career progression.

Without clear decision-making systems:

  • Power struggles may emerge as individuals or departments seek to influence decisions.
  • Delayed or inconsistent decisions can create uncertainty and frustration among team members.
  • Lack of buy-in for decisions made without proper collaboration or transparency.

The absence of conflict resolution policies and systems can lead to:

  • Unresolved conflicts fester and escalate over time.
  • Inconsistent handling of disputes creates perceptions of favoritism or unfairness.
  • Avoidance of addressing conflicts, resulting in decreased productivity and morale.

Conclusion

When we mistake the biblical fruit for organizational goals we may miss out on the interior growth that is necessary for long-term effectiveness in church life. With that being said, churches are wise to implement clear organizational systems, policies, and procedures that address these infrastructure areas, which can significantly reduce the potential for conflict and create a more harmonious and productive work environment. Effective systems provide structure, clarity, appropriate accountability, and fairness, which are essential for minimizing workplace conflicts and fostering collaboration.

[1] Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Simon & Schuster, 1989: 54, 109, 138, 243.

[2] Ronald Richardson, Creating a Healthier Church: Family Systems Theory, Leadership, and Congregational Life, Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press, 1996: 26.

[3] Edwin H. Friedman, Generation to Generation, Guilford Press, 1985:216.

[4] Tim Keller referred to this as “the sin beneath the sin.”

[5] Woodrow Kroll, The Vanishing Ministry, Kregel, 1991:32.

[6] Malphurs, Leading Leaders: 118.

Pastor, You Can’t Always Get What You Want

The relationship between a pastor and a team of elders can be complex, often resulting in the pastor not getting everything s/he wants. Some key insights into this dynamic include:

Role of the Pastor and Elders

  • Shared Leadership: Whether or not the pastor chairs the elder board s/he does not (and should not) have unilateral control over decisions. Instead, s/he presents ideas and plans seeking to build consensus, while valuing the input and advice of the other elders. This collaborative approach means that while the pastor’s vision is important, it is not always the final word.[1] [2]
  • Decision-Making Process: Many churches operate on a consensus model where decisions require agreement among elders (but hopefully not unanimity). If consensus cannot be reached, a majority vote may be used, leading to outcomes that do not align with the pastor’s preferences.[3] [4] This structure emphasizes the importance of mutual respect and accountability within church leadership.
  • Unified Outcomes: Whether or not there is disagreement regarding any given outcome, the elders must speak with one voice or not at all[5] when they exit the boardroom.

Challenges in Relationships

  • Conflict is Inevitable: It is good to view all conflict as an opportunity to grow closer to God and each other. Disagreements among elders are common due to differing opinions and expectations. Such conflicts can arise from simple misunderstandings, priorities, timing related to the next steps, or a lack of clarity regarding roles and responsibilities. This makes it unrealistic to expect a completely harmonious relationship over time.[6] [7]
  • Feedback and Communication: Healthy relationships require open communication. Elders must provide honest feedback to the pastor about various aspects of church life. This transparency helps in addressing issues before they escalate but can also lead to situations where the pastor feels challenged or unsupported.[8] [9] It is important to ask the question, “Are we relationally unified?” at the conclusion of every elder’s meeting.

Conclusion

In summary, while a pastor often prepares the agenda for an elder meeting that includes vision-casting ideas, S/he does not always get their way due to the collaborative nature of church governance, potential conflicts among elders, and the necessity for clear communication and feedback. This structure is designed to ensure accountability and shared responsibility within church leadership, ultimately aiming for a unified direction that honors both the pastor’s vision and the collective wisdom of the elders. See Acts 15 for an example of collaborative leadership in action, especially v. 28: “For it seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us…”


[1] peninsulabible.org/senior-pastor-role-in-relation-to-elders/?t

[2] efcaeast.com/the-pastors-most-strategic-relationship/?t

[3] peninsulabible.org/senior-pastor-role-in-relation-to-elders/?t

[4] http://www.desiringgod.org/messages/before-division-comes?t

[5] img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/48a6315f-0689-4fbc-acd4-0cb2967d462a/downloads/Elder%20Expectations%20-%20The%20Journey.pdf?ver=1698169850593

[6] baptist21.com/blog-posts/2018/conflict-among-fellow-elders/?t

[7] blogs.efca.org/posts/what-pastors-want-from-their-elder-board?t

[8] blogs.efca.org/posts/what-pastors-want-from-their-elder-board?t

[9] efcaeast.com/the-pastors-most-strategic-relationship/?t